My Future's Past

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"Tim keeps having me kill his wife in his movies… I don’t know what that means," -Johnny Depp

(Source: loopholes, via creature-made-of-resin-and-steam)

(Source: gif-weenus, via zackisontumblr)




how do you ask what a glass of water is doing?

a glass of water is an inanimate object and is incapable of having a thought process or understanding english

water you doing 

(Source: officialblueshell, via laughingstation)


i went into a whole foods and got to hear a woman arguing with a guy at the meat counter because she wanted grass fed organic chicken and he was desperately trying to explain to her that chickens don’t eat grass

(via laughingstation)


operator: hello 911, whats your emergency?

me: my wifi isnt working

(via zackisontumblr)